Thank you Helen, thank you for doing work I should have done.
I worried when I saw the statistic of 23 years, it didn’t seem right, even with all the shit that trans people face, 23? that is huge, that is less than half the life expectancy of indigenous Australians, a group who suffer major oppression and substandard health care.
It reminds me of the overestimation of child sex trafficking, numbers quoted over and over with very little back up.
We need to do better than this, bad numbers lead to bad responses and we as activists and allies need to do better, we need to make sure that our numbers have good basis, and when they are guesses that we are clear that they are guesses.
Because I have my family, and they are a good family.
Two people I know this week have been disowned from their families for being trans.
Two. People. This. Week.
I just, I don’t know how to deal with how, how do you handle finding out where the love runs out.
When you find out, that you are too much for your family, too strange, too monstrous, when your family doesn’t see you anymore.
And this, this is normal, I am the freak for having a family that didn’t kick me out, who love me, even if that means changing their ideas.
That is weird.
I want to run after my friends family, I want to scream what are you so afraid of, what in gender, in sex, in surgery made you turn your back? why are you afraid of your children?
How can you turn away?
Because I don’t want it to be true.
Oh hey, we have a new writer around here, I will let them introduce themselves but I am looking forward to seeing their writing.
So their is a feminist anti-porn, anti “raunch culture” meeting going on near me, and given the subject matter I raunch should be represented too, so pull out my sluttish girl drag, 4 inch heels with rhinestones, thinking micro mini and push up bra under a shirt that says lust in big letters across the chest, throw on a collar and I am ready to go. while a lot of ft* people (as well as butches of all histories) would find this kind of get up really dysphoria causing, I can invistion it as drag, so it doesn’t bother me, being the flaming faggot I am, I just become another queen who is remarkably good a tucking.
So what is the issue? I have a gender doc appointment before this I can not see the lovely gp who is wrting my T scripts see me in girl drag, so this is the plan for tommorrow, go into the doctor in boy drag (best binder, but otherwise pretty much how I dress day to day, with a bag full of femme contraband, get bloodwork done, talk about fitting into a male role, find a public toliet, change into Raunch Slut! defender of sluts everywhere! That sounds stupid and self egrandising, let’s say, just slutting everywhere.
Such is the life of the gender fluid.
I am not a woman. But I care about women’s rights. Not just because women are a marginalised group and I think that everyone deserves equal rights, but because some aspects of the battle for women’s rights concern me and my body. The concrete victories which feminists have won have made a personal difference to me and my life, just as the women’s rights issues which remain unresolved (and there are many) have an immediate impact on my life, my safety, my health.
guess there’s something wrong with me
guess I don’t fit in
no one wants to touch it
no one knows where to begin
I’ve got more than one membership
to more than one club
and I owe my life
to the people that I love
A friend of mine was talking about a dyke event she was planning to perform in, and I mentioned that I would love to see her perform, then I stopped six months from now six months on testosterone will I be welcome? What would being welcome mean?
This might seem selfish, unfair that I want to maintain access to a community which the mainstream trans narrative says I was only ever considered a member of by accident. But I’m still a Dyke, I trace my history to passing women and others whose identities were not as carefully boxed as we would like them to be this is complicated conversation with a complicated history. Female assigned trans people such as myself were held up as a defence against reasonable accusation of transphobia and bigotry targeted at male assigned and intersex trans people. I don’t want to add to that but I’m still not sure that I’m okay with being asked to forget my history; to simplify my identity for the benefit of cis people’s understanding.
With another friend at day or two ago I realised that I was talking about myself as a queer woman. This is not internalised transphobia, I am taking which ever words reference who I am and how I feel I am the situation then.
I am sick of being asked to pick a side, yet again.
I am gender queer you can not invite me into your club because of the reality of my body you can erase those like me from your history, you can pretend that the lesbian community has always been a woman’s community if you so want but I’ll still be here. My people will still be in your history we will still exist in the border lands Please don’t talk about passing women like they were all misunderstood like if only they been able to the binary identified transsexual men then they would all blended and left their history behind. because it is our community whether or not you choose to just think there are exist I am male I am female I am neither I am both and I am things we don’t have a word for yet. Pretend all you like but I’m still here.
I won’t go where not welcome that is as much self defence as it is a political stance I do not have the time or energy to fight but that’s not the same as saying that I accept that I do not belong.
Things I wish I could have told my 12 months ago self, that is the things I wish I had known before I started dealing with the medical system.
This got kinda ranty, but behind everyone of these points are stories, tears and blood split that shouldn’t have been, because doctors mistreat trans people
Things I wish I could have told my 12 months ago self, that is the things I wish I had known before I started dealing with “the system”.
So Young one, you wish to transition medically, ideally without having to get black market drugs, in most of the world this means doctors, lots of doctors. I didn’t really talk about non binary identification because I felt it would lessen my chances of being allowed hormones.
1) leave gender theory at the door.
I had a lot of conversations like this.
“So you would say that you have more male than female interests”
“Well yes, but that is true for many butch dykes who don’t feel the need to transition, I feel that my male identity isn’t connected to my stereotypical butchness ” (Also really, I am about as butch as carson kressley)
I think answers like this lead me to being delayed to get hormones, because this made me a risky case, in the end I wish I had said “yes, as well as gender dysphoria, I code, I do generally geeky things, and I like cars and girls and beer and butch butch butch things, in fact this add is pretty much all I want in life.
It doesn’t make you a bad person, or a tool of the patriarchy or a failed feminist, it makes you someone who puts your quality of life as a high priory and who recognises the reality of the world trans people have to navigate.
A friend of mine, in a cynical moment commented “it’s like any drug dealer, you have to spend a while sitting on their couch and listening to their weird theories before they will actually get around to selling you the drugs, it’s annoying but it happens.
Don’t talk sex, particularly if you are queer, particularly particularly if you are queer and male assigned.
Thanks to the totally scientific two type hypothesis their is the idea that queer trans women and other male assigned trans people are really just fetishist who get of on the idea of having sex as a women, carefully avoiding the fact that many women, and female bodied people enjoy the idea of themselves having sex, sadly many cis “experts” on transgender people believe that when trans women and other male assigned trans people think about themselves having sex that this is fundamentally different and a fetish and may see this as a reason to deny treatment, although as far as I know their is no evidence to suggest that queer male assigned trans people are any less likely to benefit from transition than anyone else.
Don’t talk sex, particularly if you have sex with your “bits”
Their seems to be an option that trans people must spend their whole lives being crippled by gender dysphoria, and any sign that they didn’t, that you have shown your genitals to others, and or enjoyed sex particularly hetrosex in your assigned gender will often count against you.
This is particularly problematic for those who work in the sex industry, I am not a sex worker and so I don’t think I have anything of value to add here (anyone want to jump in, go for it) but my guess is that avoiding mentioning your work, or bending it so that you work “at a bar” or “as a massure” is probably a very good idea.
Your doctor could be cool, your doctor could be crap, but you might not know until it is too late
Not every doctor is bad but their are those who will, and the problem is you may not know that yours is until you mention stuff like this. The doctor I saw was suggested by a bigendered non-passing trans women, who he was great too, I thought it would work out, and I still think I got stuffed around because I was honest, I wish I hadn’t been. I am not the only person to see this side of the trans medical system.
Their is a meme that goes around the anti-trans feminist thought that says that trans men transtion to gain privilage, and while I think this is bullshit their is a bit of male privilage that I am really really looking forward to.
Being left the fuck alone, not having a body worth scrutinising or judging, and not being called “toots” by a man I had just given a significant chunk of money to.
Women should have this, all people should fucking have this, but as someone who was very tall, looked older than he was and hit female puberty very young, it has left a stain over everything I am, and the idea that it would _stop_ that I would just be able to pay a professional for fixing storm damage and just get on with my day…. fucking bliss