Because I have my family, and they are a good family.
Two people I know this week have been disowned from their families for being trans.
Two. People. This. Week.
I just, I don’t know how to deal with how, how do you handle finding out where the love runs out.
When you find out, that you are too much for your family, too strange, too monstrous, when your family doesn’t see you anymore.
And this, this is normal, I am the freak for having a family that didn’t kick me out, who love me, even if that means changing their ideas.
That is weird.
I want to run after my friends family, I want to scream what are you so afraid of, what in gender, in sex, in surgery made you turn your back? why are you afraid of your children?
How can you turn away?
Because I don’t want it to be true.
I found a incoming like to this blog, which I will not like back about someone joking about trans men’s fear of victimisation in jail.
This to put not to fine a point on it, triggered the fuck out of me, because I am scared, because I suffer from flashbacks and memories of past victimisation, because in a male jail I would be a small non passing guy with breasts and a cunt.
I would be vulnerable, and because of a law discussed in my state, that looked good on paper about the searching trans* people by police was writen is such a way that a detective could argue that they where in the right because they assumed that a butch women was really a _trans man_ and therefore it was appropriate for them to search her, rather than treating her in the same way that a gender conforming cis person would be treated.
Lets be clear, conversations about rape need to centre women, the primary victims of sexual abuse, and convsations about trans* victims of rape should center trans women, and other maab trans people, as they are at higher risk of victimisation, but we do ourselves no favours by ignoring abuse, any violation, treating it as as not important.
But, I care about humans, and that means stepping back from a rigid kyriarchical analysis and recognising that all victims are stripped of their humanity, and reconfirming that humanity should be a step on the journey.
It’s absolutely acceptable to center a particularly oppressed group when talking about rape, especially when you belong to that group yourself. I find it entirely acceptable and even positive for women to focus on rape committed against women, and to not be constantly compelled to talk about men, who are in a position of relative privilege. I find it similarly acceptable and positive for trans* people of whatever gender to focus on rape committed against other trans* people, and to not be constantly harassed about caring more about cis survivors. I find it acceptable and positive for people with disabilities to talk about sexual violence specifically committed against other people with disabilities, and to not have to deal with constant reminders that abled people are raped, too.
And I honestly have not the slightest clue why anyone would think that I might want to take that from them.
But actively denying those survivors you don’t center is a different story. Castigating someone else for talking about them ever, and for even calling their experiences rape, is an entirely different subject. Outright saying that you do not care if they are raped may indeed be an expression of righteous anger, but it’s sure as hell not getting us anywhere, collectively. Ejecting other survivors from a larger community of survivors is alienating, as is also attempting to eject those who dare mention their existence.
That post made me feel a lot better, because I know that I have privilege in this society, I know that many people have it worse than me, and I feel once again like I am standing with the community knowing that those around me wont tell me that my issues are unimportant, that they can be gotten too, later, or not at all.
TL;DR: Look, I don’t expect you to advocate for me, or focus activism on me rather other groups, particularly when those groups are in as bad, or worse a position socially but supporting you shouldn’t be based on pulling me, or anyone else down, or thinking that another oppressed group should be raped because that is just so gosh-darn-funny, and you know, edgy
This is going to be hard to write, because I consider the people who run questioning transphobia to be freinds of mine, I also think they in general they run a good blog, which I wouldn’t want to run, however I think they really fucked up, and I think that has to be noted.
The post Greeting from asia was anti sexworker and to me it constituted hate speech,
In the comments lisa said
I’d like people to focus on the rest of the post, but the complaints about the dehumanization of sex workers are valid.
Which sounds quite a lot like
Editors’ Note: All posts published on Bilerico Project do not reflect the opinions of nor any endorsement by the Editorial Team. Many Bilerico readers and contributors have found Ronald Gold’s op-ed offensive or needlessly coarse. The idea behind Bilerico Project is to encourage dialogue among different facets of the LGBT community that might normally never interact this intimately. We encourage all readers to continue responding to Mr. Gold in the same spirit his post was written – with positive intent while bluntly stating your own opinion and experiences.
I am really disappointed in questioning transphobia, time has pasted, their has been no apology, no edit, no “hey guys we are sorry that article went up with anti-sex worker content”, nothing.
It is not ok to deamonise sex workers, it is not ok to talk about the trans community as if trans sex workers are not part of that community, it is not ok to suggest those trans people who access hormones without the help of doctors are doing “real” trans people a disservice
hate speech is written with “positive intent” is still hate speech.
As for Yuki’s question
So how would the advancement of sex workers benefit the transgender community as a whole?
What is considered success for a sex worker that contributes to the betterment of trans communities worldwide?
I point you towards little light (who you should be reading anyway), who as far as I know has never been a sex worker said, particularly if you feel like we shouldn’t focus on sex workers rights because they only support sex workers.
The ground is unsteady under my feet, and the job, the pantry, the door that locks, I can get pulled off it just as fast as I can be locked up for soliciting for walking down the street for groceries.
Yuki, you might want a better argument than no one who could afford at cis prostitue would hire a trans protitute.
There are so many things wrong with this news piece I do not know where to start. For someone who can carry RM 400 (~150 Aus dollars/130 US )in his wallet, it seems ridiculous that this “Ping”, would choose a transsexual female for companionship, rather than a Chinese female social escort or a female prostitute, which is all over Chow Kit. It is hard to believe. [currency converstion added by me]
Oh and cigfran, the best way to reach across cultures also isn’t to ignore the anti sex worker comments and comments that seem to tatitily suggest that the murder of sex workers is less important that the murder of non sexworker trans women. Unless you also feel that trans women means non sexworker trans women.
I want questioning transphobia to be a safer space for trans people, that includes trans women trans men, genderqueers whether or not they are sex workers, that means not coming across a writer on this blog suggesting that their murder would mean less because of the work they do. I want to see a statement that questioning transphobia isn’t only a space for non sexworker trans people.)
The set up: The radio plays a clip of a new sit com, the big new thing.
The set up: A mother telling her child the skirt she is wearing is too short, not because she will get cold, but because her child’s life with be ruined, she will fall into sluthood and wake up half-naked on beaches, short skirts just have that power.
The punch line: Everyone knows you are a girl sweetie you don’t have to prove it.
And I flinch, and I want to scream, and I know that the mainstream language doesn’t even have the words I need to use, to speak the violence of that line because everyone knows (sweetie) that womanhood is determined gycologically, everyone knows that no real woman ever had someone look at their genitals and declare “it’s a boy” without their consent, without asking first.
This is a trigger warning, I am talking about some heavy stuff.
I have been abused.
I have had my boundaries walked all over.
I don’t yet know how enforce by boundaries, under stress, in all conditions.
When I had just turned 18 I had sex I didn’t want to have with a much older man, he argued that it meant much more to him that we had sex than it meant to me that we didn’t, I still get nightmares about that.
I internalised this message, I didn’t say no, when I was tired, when I was sick, when I was so angry that I wanted to vomit.
I take sleeping pills sometimes, I found myself wanting to thank my partner for not abusing my intoxication on them, for curling up with me and patting me and making me feel safe.
I identified as female or something like it, most of my life, I am almost always read as female.
Rape culture taught me well, and those lessons are going to take a long time to unlearn.
I have read this post several times of the years, and every time, every point makes me want to scream in agreement.
I am terrified that because of my victimisation I am now damaged goods, broken, I was scared to see my partner and my lover because I though they would reject me, that what we had would be destroyed because I was no longer, unspoilt.
You don’t need to be female to be a femalizied victim.
To be a victim of this fucked up world
Their is a meme that goes around the anti-trans feminist thought that says that trans men transtion to gain privilage, and while I think this is bullshit their is a bit of male privilage that I am really really looking forward to.
Being left the fuck alone, not having a body worth scrutinising or judging, and not being called “toots” by a man I had just given a significant chunk of money to.
Women should have this, all people should fucking have this, but as someone who was very tall, looked older than he was and hit female puberty very young, it has left a stain over everything I am, and the idea that it would _stop_ that I would just be able to pay a professional for fixing storm damage and just get on with my day…. fucking bliss