Genderqueer 2 genderqueer's Blog

autogynophilla and the DSM V

Posted in Uncategorized by genderqueer2genderqueer on December 31, 2012

Look, I think autogynophilla is bulishit, it is sexualising to trans women, it is misgendering, in short it is bullshit.

But I will support it being added to the DSM V, on one condition. That is is considered a sufficient diagnosis for FUNDED transtion. If we follow the view of autogynophila as the cause of all non heterosexual (ie attracted to women) then a hell of a lot of trans women are autogynophillics and I am aware of no evidence that bi and gay women gain less from transtion and as transition is generally considered a medical necessary then clearly what you have done, is recognized someone is trans, with a very common presentation, so they should be provided with medical care.

Sex is ickky and you have a paraphilla therefore you shouldn’t transition is not a good enough reason to withhold medical care.

Now I am a FAAB trans person, while autoandrophila has been added to the DSM I would expect that it will be a rare diagnosis, and that the threat of autoandrophilla will not generally stop trans men transitioning, and it may well stop trans women from being able to access transition, so their voices should be the primary voices in this fight, please read about the problems with autogynophilla by the amazing author Julia Serano.

But if I may be able to humbly request that we consider if this diagnosis is going to be made that we push for it to be recognized for what it is, another diagnosis that should be considered equivalent to gender dysphoria.


What will I look like when I transtion?

Posted in Uncategorized by genderqueer2genderqueer on December 30, 2012

That question, What will I look like when I transition? was a question I asked myself over and over, and tonight I answered it, staring into the mirror, I look like me, older, with wider shoulders and more hair, my voice is mine the same weird ways of saying things, the same accent a bit deeper but fundamentally me, there was, to steal a metaphor no phone booth to fall into and come out a new man.

There is the trope of the trans person who meets their pretranstion friends and is a totally new person, unrecognizable, if this happens I have never heard of it. Although a friend was once asked if their sister had previously worked in the shop they now worked in.

I think there is a deeper question in here, our society doesn’t really accept yet that trans people exist, feminist bloggers (not linked) talk about doctors murdering women when they help trans men transition. Tell all documentaries feature parent who quite comfortably stand in front of their living breathing child and talk about morning that child’s death. They feel that their son, their daughter has been replaced by a changeling. They can’t see their child, their real breathing child with that same nose, that same smile standing right there.

I think I used to believe that, at some level that I would be replaced by a man, and yet I have not, transition is both profound and minor, socially and emtionally it is huge, and I don’t want to deny that for anyone who transitions, knowing your body as your own for the first time ever, that is huge, but then, this is my body, always has been, always will be, these are my hands, my nose, my chin, I never stopped looking like me.

testosterone and Interstitial cystitis in trans men, we need case studies

Posted in Uncategorized by genderqueer2genderqueer on December 2, 2012

I am back on testosterone, on a low dose, because I have a mood disorder and nothing else I have found works half as well as it.

I have Interstitial cystitis, I was first developed symptoms when I started HRT the first time around, and the pain of it, and the four or so doctors who couldn’t give me any answers, was one of the reasons I stopped taking T, now I am back on it, and have had a major IC flare up, I worry that this connected and I will have to choose between the body I want and becoming best friends with the toilet door.

As far as evidence goes, I found nothing. I found the oh so helpful Donna commenting here.
Part of me just wants to join the forum to tell her

1) Find me a gender doc who knows fuck all about IC, or a urologist who knows fuck all about trans issues and I will go see them.

2) The forum shares medical advice all the time, hell even about testosterone therapy and I didn’t see you telling cis people they need to talk to their doctors.

Breath man, breath.

Ok look, I am a trans guy and I have IC and testosterone seems to make it worse. For all the limits of case studies, I couldn’t find anything in the literature about trans guys getting bladder problems, but if I missed something or if I find something later I will post it.

For now I don’t know if my situation is rare? I talked to another trans guy who had what sounded exactly like IC but he had been fobbed off by doctors and never got diagnosed. Maybe a lot of trans guys get better on T but what I do know is that there is one more case study out there now then they was before I wrote this post, if you have come hear seeking answers, I wish I had them, for myself more than anything, I am sick of the pain, and the urgency, and the rest of it.

If you have experience of this, please comment, let me know what you tried, and what worked and what didn’t. In a data free world every data point is important, shorter cycles? longer cycles? Creams over shots? What helped you? Are you a trans women or maab trans person whose IC symptoms have changed after HRT? With two rare conditions* there is very little medical evidence about us, but there is an internet full of people, just some of them might be trans people in pain, on the toilet right now.

*if you see your trans status as a medical condition of course.


Posted in Uncategorized by genderqueer2genderqueer on September 25, 2010

I am putting something here that I haven’t even told all my freinds, many of them might read it here first [HI]

I am stopping testosterone, well technically I have stopped, and I am currently waiting for it to leave my system.

There are a bunch of reasons for this, firstly their have been some big personal changes in my life, which many know about but which I don’t want to talk about online here.

I have had some medical issues which are probably connected to T, which I want to deal with first, it’s not a standard risk, but it is an issue which is probably testosterone related, I am being vauge again, but you will just have to deal with that.

I have been dealing with feeling, having made this decision that I am _not trans enough_  and this makes me feel like it is a good idea for me to stop, or at least pause here, because this should be about my own comfort, not about my gender being good enough for someone else.

I was afraid of loosing femaleness, losing connection to women community, to my history, and all of this was important to me.

My politics haven’t changed. I am some what worried about people saying, well I know someone who changed their minds so some other trans people should be forced to wait longer/ jump though more hoops/not transtion at all. I am glad I went on T, I love what it has done to my voice. I still think the gatekeeping is shit, and harmful and hell didn’t stop me from accessing hormones, just made it harder for everyone.

So yeah, on would and up would.

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ft* phobia (or oh god, it’s butch flight again! )

Posted in Uncategorized by genderqueer2genderqueer on June 11, 2010

You know, I probably wouldn’t have written about this, cause in a lot of ways the “butch flight” dog wissule isn’t my issue, I am not exculively gynophillic, I am femme as fuck and I tend to laugh at those who talk about butch flight.

So why am I writing about it? Because kate fucking bornstein linked me to this peice of transphobic crap.

The Kate that wrote gender outlaw has decided that hating on trans guys and other ft* people is totally feminist and not at all buying in to the same cisexist crap that she herself dealt with.

I don’t want to write up all the ways it is wrong, I don’t have the energy and that wasn’t why I started writing this blog.

I write this blog, because their wasn’t a whole lot of useful stuff I found when I started really dealing with the medial system on stories of femme trans boi/genderqueers, about how feminism and gender idenity interact and colour our perceptions, and that is what butch boi and Kate bornstein miss in totality, they make the same assumptions about my gender and sexuality that the wider  cis community do they assume that I am butch (darling? really? ) that I date women exclusively (don’t get me wrong, the right kind girl can make me weak at the knees but I dig the boys and the those who are neither as well)

One thing that frustrated me when I into the medical system was the way I was treated as if this had been something that occured to me yesterday, rather than something I had been struggling with for a very long time, I was asked within the medical system to prove my male-ness by proving my masculinity, it was expected, and treatment would be withheld if I didn’t perform a butch dyke script, I avoided parts of it, I refused to misgender my partner to produce the butch femme narrative they where expecting, even though on the basis of his house,  his cd collection and his cats I am clearly dating a lesbian.

I am reminded of the older style gender clinics that complained about how transexuals (women) lied about there histories to access hormones, knowing that if they didn’t present “the narititve” they wouldn’t be able to access treatment.

Butchboi sets up a senario of insufficent bulling of ft* people, zie wants me to have suffered more, I would have explored butchness instead of genderqueerness.

Further more, butchboi seems to be obsessed with gentials, here zie agians fits right in with the doctors, who are also obsessed with trans peoples gentials, to a much greater extent than trans people themselves, I believe that the vast majority of ft* people never get gential surgery, and of those who do get gentail surgery the more minor* procedure metaoidioplasty is much more common than more major* surgeries.

In the end, what kate linked to, and what butchboi wrote assumed that ft* people, where/are lesbains, belong to lesbains more than to themselves, will or should regret medical treatments and go the extremes rather than seeking the treatments which they need to deal with there dysphoria.In the end butchboi idenifies themselves as moving towards being a trans man without transtion, which I totally support, it is hir pissing on everyone else to do it that gets on my *not yet surgically mutilated tits*

I don’t believe that trans people are stupid, or misguided, or need to be talked down to, not by butches and not by gender outlaws who want to stop them experiencing their gender.

If you are worried about trans people regretting their transitional treatments, I recommend first talking to some latter transtioning people, as many of them may regret not transitioning earlier, who may talk about the difficulty of continuing a life where most of your resume says, “jill” and if you don’t, and if you don’t empathise with those trans people, please ask yourself, what are you doing when you talk about the what trans people should do for their own good?

Edit to add: And this doesn’t even touch the butch dykes who are trans, and probalby aren’t going to detranstion, who seem to be always missing from the conversation (I was guilty of that in my post about sewing suits)

*With regard to surgically complexity, recovery time, and so on.

Actually, I am crazy, and their is still no reason to disrespect me.

Posted in Uncategorized by genderqueer2genderqueer on June 6, 2010

The medical records will probably not be expunged so when they fill out an application form and omit that their medical records state that they had a mental illness they will be committing fraud.

Some will never ever be able to work with children, get certain jobs, or be considered as trustworthy and reliable because of that medical record. Some medical schools are still teaching that transsexual, transgender or trans anything identities are mental illnesses. [link]

I am tempted to write, well fuck you too, and leave it at that, because of this, this is more of a rant and less of a conversation than I would have liked to have had, but then I get irrationally annoyed around those who piss down the social order.

You know what, it sucks that trans * people can’t work with children, get certain jobs or be considered trustworthy and reliable because they are actually mentally ill.

that continued the illusion that trans people were crazy and howling at the moon.

You know, they are right, that is how you tell the mentally ill ones, every mentally ill person I know howls at the moon, and totally don’t bitch about meds and trying to cope and trying to get funding for treatment and how much there coworkers shit them and ….

yeah no.

Moving on.

It seems that WPATH is now dominated by the transgender fascista who believe only people who agree to call themselves transgender are the real sane ones.

All other trans people such as the transexed or transsexuals – like yours truly – are still as nutty as a fruit cake. In fact we are not only non-compliant, difficult, refuse to accept our ‘transgenderness’, we should also be excluded from the proper workings of that association.

Does anyone smell prejudice?

I support people identifying however they want, while I use trans* or transgender as an unbarllera term, I am happy to talk about why it isn’t perfect and the issues that some within our community have with it, but I am yet to come across any medical literature suggesting that those within the trans */Sex and gender diverse  community who id as transgender rather than  transexual (like myself*) are more sane, more reliable, more anything than those who describe themselves as transsexuals. But then, as a therapist as you state in your article, I sure you would know much more about the state of mental health than I would.

*To me, transexual is a word I am uncomfortable with because of both its binary conintations and because it is a word which is generally defined with respect to the medical system, and I don’t like that system enough to define myself within it constraints.

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Dear Dr Kennedy, I have some issues with your methodology

Posted in Uncategorized by genderqueer2genderqueer on April 16, 2010

Some time ago, you wrote this piece.

I would like to disagree, so I will.

In addition to the referral letter we ask that everyone provides two photographs and an account of how gender issues have impacted on their lives

Ok, why the photos, cause that seems kinda creepy, frankly?

Only about 25% F-M come to surgery. This is probably a good thing

Leaving aside the idea that not getting treatment is a good thing, how do you? do you do follow-up, are
you sure these men aren’t seeking surgery though the kind of people who don’t think it is a bad idea that they have it? Why is surgery the end point? many trans people live in their identified gender without surgery, I don’t know if I will get chest surgery, I currently don’t have any plans for it, is my living in an ambiguous body, identifying as non binary and on T so that I can pass as male a good thing? Because I am guessing you wouldn’t think so.

Make no mistake, transition is difficult: physically, psychologically and socially.

Having started T, I feel better physically and psychologically, social life seems fairly good, most people have reacted well or at least not badly, so no, I disagree yet again, and ask do you have any evidence for this, are there studies which show that this is a more difficult time for trans people than say, staying closeted?

All in all, transition is the biggest decision of your life

You know, I think deciding to do honours, and to persue an academic career was harder, and speaking of which I am currently transitioning and doing honours, guess which one causes more stress, more insanity and more late night finishing essays, oh wait, that gives it away don’t it.

god is dead

Posted in Uncategorized by genderqueer2genderqueer on March 31, 2010

God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. How shall we comfort ourselves, the murderers of all murderers? What was holiest and mightiest of all that the world has yet owned has bled to death under our knives: who will wipe this blood off us? What water is there for us to clean ourselves? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we have to invent? Is not the greatness of this deed too great for us? Must we ourselves not become gods simply to appear worthy of it? – Friedrich Nietzsche.

Note, links in this post may not be safe for work, and may contain confronting pictures, and medical procedure descriptions.

I am not a fan of gatekeepers, I am not a fan of doctors who appoint themselves as experts on transgender lives while often knowing very little about us. I wrote about this before, but I went back and forth about writing this piece because I fundamentally like doctors, not when they are choosing who gets to transition and who doesn’t, but when they are supporting their patients, doing blood tests, keeping an eye out of the things that can go wrong, and this is something that people who transtion, or seek medical realated gender treatments out side of the medical system often miss out on.

But they still do it. (NSFW, genital pictures) If you have a choice I would strongly strongly recommend going to a doctor not a cutter, but not everyone has that choice, I remember a women I knew online who was in the US, facing the lost of health insurance and trying to get an Orchiectomy, so that loosing access to health insurance wouldn’t mean having to risk further masculinization. The surgery got pushed back several times and she considered doing it herself. This post is written for her, and for young trans people like her, scared, without support or resources, considering desperate measures. I wrote it because none of these things are hypothetical.

Many people who do medically transtion start hormones before they start the medical process, either by getting birthcontrol pills or HRT from female friends or relatives, or ordering homones online, or for trans men, using the same sources that bodybuilders and the gym crowd access steroids. If you are going down this road, try not to share needles, many places have needle exchanges where you can get no questions asked injecting equipment, if you can’t access new injecting equitment bleach will lower the risk of infection

To avoid the doctors, we must become doctors ourselves, if you are in a position like this, read everything you can, if you can find people to talk to, talk to them. and good luck.



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Permenent changes

Posted in Uncategorized by genderqueer2genderqueer on March 29, 2010
  1. That I have started using dictation software and I apologise for any mistakes that may be made.

I was talking to a friend recently and they commented that they were scared of the permanent changes that HRT brings. I struggled with this for a long time, and I believe because I placed to much value on permanency I suffered more gender dysphoria than I needed to.

Everything is to some extent perement, people who stretch their ears are fond of saying that the size of no return is 18g (standard earings) because you will always have the scare tissue, your ears will never really be the same. I think the same can be said of medical transition but also not medically transitioning. Male assigned trans people in particular can find that delaying transition has permanent ramification because socially male secondary sexual characteristics are given more weight than female secondary sexual characteristic. However the same is also true of female assigned trans peoplewho may by delaying transition deal with more breast growth as well as legal and social history as women which makes it harder for them to blend into cissexual Society.

If I was to decide de-transition and live is female my situation would be in many ways identical to that of a trans-woman at a risk I’m willing to take the what feels right now and for what has already brought me a decrease in anxiety and other mental illnessespart of the reason why am willing to take this choice is because of the wonderful trans people that I have known who were open and honest about the transitions there fears their hopes and the frustrations.

it is my hope is that people reading this question question the medical model which focuses on the idea of a pure unmodified body as an ideal and sees trans-intesex and other mollified or “abnormally” gendered bodies as less.

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Posted in Uncategorized by genderqueer2genderqueer on March 22, 2010

I felt better, more energetic after r my first shot, I’m not sure if this was placebo or not, but it seems to have gone away, which would make sense as far as my understanding of dosage goes, the up in energy and the totally lack of bad side effects makes me seriously want to push the dose up faster than was planned, because damn it, I liked having energy.

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