I understand the anger, I am not saying it is wrong, particularly when the same communities kick out out trans women but… but…
I worry that this view ignores non binary people a friend of mine considers zir self to be a transgender butch, while not female zie does consider hirself part of the lesbian community, zie used to be on T but isn’t anymore, is sometimes read as female and sometimes as male, but it is more than that.
I want to tell a story, this story is from memory and the details may be wrong, I also do not know how this guy ided, other than being a faab transtioning person, but I do remember him requesting male pronouns
Sitting around in a trans support group, the topic of the day was chosen family a young man spoke of loosing family twice, first being abandoned by his birth family for being queer, and then loosing those who considered him their family because he came out as trans, his mentors, his chosen family came from the lesbian community, he had been a lesbian, and his chosen family turned their back on him.
In his story, his voice, his eyes I saw a defeated bitterness, a person who discovered that to be himself, meant being abandoned yet again.
History is important, it makes us who we are, cis men generally don’t have years of being seen as a lesbian and seeing themselves of a lesbian.
I do not have a theory, I am not trying to say that this is a fundamental world view, but I know what happened was wrong.
She shouldn’t have been arrested, she shouldn’t have been placed in a male jail, she shouldn’t have died.
She sat at the intersection of too many kinds of hatred, and she died for it.
I found a incoming like to this blog, which I will not like back about someone joking about trans men’s fear of victimisation in jail.
This to put not to fine a point on it, triggered the fuck out of me, because I am scared, because I suffer from flashbacks and memories of past victimisation, because in a male jail I would be a small non passing guy with breasts and a cunt.
I would be vulnerable, and because of a law discussed in my state, that looked good on paper about the searching trans* people by police was writen is such a way that a detective could argue that they where in the right because they assumed that a butch women was really a _trans man_ and therefore it was appropriate for them to search her, rather than treating her in the same way that a gender conforming cis person would be treated.
Lets be clear, conversations about rape need to centre women, the primary victims of sexual abuse, and convsations about trans* victims of rape should center trans women, and other maab trans people, as they are at higher risk of victimisation, but we do ourselves no favours by ignoring abuse, any violation, treating it as as not important.
But, I care about humans, and that means stepping back from a rigid kyriarchical analysis and recognising that all victims are stripped of their humanity, and reconfirming that humanity should be a step on the journey.
It’s absolutely acceptable to center a particularly oppressed group when talking about rape, especially when you belong to that group yourself. I find it entirely acceptable and even positive for women to focus on rape committed against women, and to not be constantly compelled to talk about men, who are in a position of relative privilege. I find it similarly acceptable and positive for trans* people of whatever gender to focus on rape committed against other trans* people, and to not be constantly harassed about caring more about cis survivors. I find it acceptable and positive for people with disabilities to talk about sexual violence specifically committed against other people with disabilities, and to not have to deal with constant reminders that abled people are raped, too.
And I honestly have not the slightest clue why anyone would think that I might want to take that from them.
But actively denying those survivors you don’t center is a different story. Castigating someone else for talking about them ever, and for even calling their experiences rape, is an entirely different subject. Outright saying that you do not care if they are raped may indeed be an expression of righteous anger, but it’s sure as hell not getting us anywhere, collectively. Ejecting other survivors from a larger community of survivors is alienating, as is also attempting to eject those who dare mention their existence.
That post made me feel a lot better, because I know that I have privilege in this society, I know that many people have it worse than me, and I feel once again like I am standing with the community knowing that those around me wont tell me that my issues are unimportant, that they can be gotten too, later, or not at all.
TL;DR: Look, I don’t expect you to advocate for me, or focus activism on me rather other groups, particularly when those groups are in as bad, or worse a position socially but supporting you shouldn’t be based on pulling me, or anyone else down, or thinking that another oppressed group should be raped because that is just so gosh-darn-funny, and you know, edgy
Their is this idea out this idea that gender queers are all thin White urban and female assigned whose gender has a strong masculine bias this is to put no too fine a point on it bullshit but yet it has persisted and that needs to change. I don’t have all answers, but I hope this space can make the definition of genderqueer and the support for non binary people a little larger, so there is more room for femmes and for male and intersex assigned genderqueers.
It seems ridiculous to me that we, as non binary people have ended up here, when I look at those authors who I read* when I was younger, those who helped me come to terms with my identity, and those within my local community who helped me find my way, the majority of them where male assigned, so the idea that I and people like me have become “the” genderqueers is deeply weird. That doesn’t stop it from hurting people.
I’m not sure what to do about apart from welcoming, apart from trying to keep my ears and mind open, to make a point of noticing and encouraging those who my community can forget and erase.
When building a community we must ask, who is this for, who do we open our arms, our hearts and our homes to, how are they supported in their world.
For me, I like the answer to be everyone, or at least everyone who needs here.
So when I see arguments about how we should consider only the transexual community, not the cross dresses, not the tg butches, not queens, not those bad gender-doing people, just us, I want to scream, and not only because I suspect that I would find that I am not us when it comes down to it.
The identity restrictive trans community isn’t my trans community, if you want me, I will be in the garden and I will be happy to here from whoever need a hand.
*No that I agree with all those authors all the time, but they where all part of my coming to a point where I could call myself genderqueer