I understand the anger, I am not saying it is wrong, particularly when the same communities kick out out trans women but… but…
I worry that this view ignores non binary people a friend of mine considers zir self to be a transgender butch, while not female zie does consider hirself part of the lesbian community, zie used to be on T but isn’t anymore, is sometimes read as female and sometimes as male, but it is more than that.
I want to tell a story, this story is from memory and the details may be wrong, I also do not know how this guy ided, other than being a faab transtioning person, but I do remember him requesting male pronouns
Sitting around in a trans support group, the topic of the day was chosen family a young man spoke of loosing family twice, first being abandoned by his birth family for being queer, and then loosing those who considered him their family because he came out as trans, his mentors, his chosen family came from the lesbian community, he had been a lesbian, and his chosen family turned their back on him.
In his story, his voice, his eyes I saw a defeated bitterness, a person who discovered that to be himself, meant being abandoned yet again.
History is important, it makes us who we are, cis men generally don’t have years of being seen as a lesbian and seeing themselves of a lesbian.
I do not have a theory, I am not trying to say that this is a fundamental world view, but I know what happened was wrong.
You know, I probably wouldn’t have written about this, cause in a lot of ways the “butch flight” dog wissule isn’t my issue, I am not exculively gynophillic, I am femme as fuck and I tend to laugh at those who talk about butch flight.
So why am I writing about it? Because kate fucking bornstein linked me to this peice of transphobic crap.
The Kate that wrote gender outlaw has decided that hating on trans guys and other ft* people is totally feminist and not at all buying in to the same cisexist crap that she herself dealt with.
I don’t want to write up all the ways it is wrong, I don’t have the energy and that wasn’t why I started writing this blog.
I write this blog, because their wasn’t a whole lot of useful stuff I found when I started really dealing with the medial system on stories of femme trans boi/genderqueers, about how feminism and gender idenity interact and colour our perceptions, and that is what butch boi and Kate bornstein miss in totality, they make the same assumptions about my gender and sexuality that the wider cis community do they assume that I am butch (darling? really? ) that I date women exclusively (don’t get me wrong, the right kind girl can make me weak at the knees but I dig the boys and the those who are neither as well)
One thing that frustrated me when I into the medical system was the way I was treated as if this had been something that occured to me yesterday, rather than something I had been struggling with for a very long time, I was asked within the medical system to prove my male-ness by proving my masculinity, it was expected, and treatment would be withheld if I didn’t perform a butch dyke script, I avoided parts of it, I refused to misgender my partner to produce the butch femme narrative they where expecting, even though on the basis of his house, his cd collection and his cats I am clearly dating a lesbian.
I am reminded of the older style gender clinics that complained about how transexuals (women) lied about there histories to access hormones, knowing that if they didn’t present “the narititve” they wouldn’t be able to access treatment.
Butchboi sets up a senario of insufficent bulling of ft* people, zie wants me to have suffered more, I would have explored butchness instead of genderqueerness.
Further more, butchboi seems to be obsessed with gentials, here zie agians fits right in with the doctors, who are also obsessed with trans peoples gentials, to a much greater extent than trans people themselves, I believe that the vast majority of ft* people never get gential surgery, and of those who do get gentail surgery the more minor* procedure metaoidioplasty is much more common than more major* surgeries.
In the end, what kate linked to, and what butchboi wrote assumed that ft* people, where/are lesbains, belong to lesbains more than to themselves, will or should regret medical treatments and go the extremes rather than seeking the treatments which they need to deal with there dysphoria.In the end butchboi idenifies themselves as moving towards being a trans man without transtion, which I totally support, it is hir pissing on everyone else to do it that gets on my *not yet surgically mutilated tits*
I don’t believe that trans people are stupid, or misguided, or need to be talked down to, not by butches and not by gender outlaws who want to stop them experiencing their gender.
If you are worried about trans people regretting their transitional treatments, I recommend first talking to some latter transtioning people, as many of them may regret not transitioning earlier, who may talk about the difficulty of continuing a life where most of your resume says, “jill” and if you don’t, and if you don’t empathise with those trans people, please ask yourself, what are you doing when you talk about the what trans people should do for their own good?
Edit to add: And this doesn’t even touch the butch dykes who are trans, and probalby aren’t going to detranstion, who seem to be always missing from the conversation (I was guilty of that in my post about sewing suits)
*With regard to surgically complexity, recovery time, and so on.
So I really liked the offbeat brides guide with one exception, I don’t have $600 to spend on a suit and get it altered if you do great.. Check out the offbeat bride article. If you don’t have the cash, read the article anyway, it’s suit buying tips will still be important for you.
Right, so lets assume like me you don’t have the kind of money to blow that would get you a customised nice suit, and maybe you need a suit, for a job, or a job interview.
So, suits for butches and ft*’s on the cheap.
hit the op shops, hit second hand stores, ask at freecycle check online places like ebay or Craig’s list hit up uncles and freinds for suits that don’t fit them anymore, try to find something about your size.Good quality suits have extra fabric in the seams so that you can take them out, look for pants which have the center back seam (the one sitting over your butt crack) which have a good inch of extra room, this means that you can take them out, which is brilliant for me who will never fit the jacket of pants I fit, or vis versa
When you have suit, and if your anything like me, the pants are tight, and the shoulders are loose (I got booty) so now, you need a hand sewing kit, for me I would want at least a set of pins, some needles, thread and a quick unpicker, a machine will help, but isn’t essential.
Measure yourself up, these instructions are quite good, and work out what changes need me be made. particularly if you haven’t done a lot of sewing before tack everything up, this means, make large easy to remove stitches first just to make sure, to see if everything fits, and don’t cut until you are really sure, remember up till then you can always go back.