Genderqueer 2 genderqueer's Blog

In the faq and glossary series

Posted in Uncategorized by genderqueer2genderqueer on August 13, 2010

Passing or being passed:

Passing tends to mean two different things, because we mix them up in the boarder society, one which I will refer to on this blog as being read as $gender means that your internal view of your gender is being understood by those around you, ie a trans women who is seen by people as a women is being correctly read.

read as cis: that is, that a person is being considered n0n trans (because that is what cis is, it’s the Latin opposite of trans), this is what people often mean when they meet a passing trans person, because it is assumed that the only kind of (wo)man is a cis (wo)man therefore someone must look not trans to be read as (fe)male.  This differentiation is important because it allows us to talk, for binary gendered folk about cis being a type of (wo) man and not what (wo)man are.


Many different things depending who is talking, everything from not telling anyone, to not mentioning it at work, or outside particular people. Trans people, because we are considered weird/freaks/inauthentic, are considered to be lying if we don’t yell from the roof tops, if we could have left anyone assuming that we are like them like you know, real people.

There is occasionally shit on both sides of the stealth/out debate which pretty much boils down to “trans, I’m doing it right, you are doing it wrong” Calpernia Addams talks about receiving unsolicited advice from stealth trans people who feel that she should be stealth.

These people need to be hit with a haddock. (hat tip to Dw3t-Hthr)

And there are definly activist within the trans community who think that everyone should be out, living for the cause 24/7 and you must be self hating if you are stealth because what else that stealth would cause you to try to avoid other people’s shit.

These people should also be hit with a haddock.

For myself, I think I will probably never be totally out, as in everyone ever knows, or totally stealth.

I am not out at work, this to some people makes me stealth (abit as a cis women) I am not out to my extended family, in both case the cause is exactly the same, I know I would still be misgendered and I would have to become everyone debating partner, and I would get to hear everyone and I do mean everyones view on the construction of gender, I am sure someone would assume that I mean I was one of those transSEXual chicks with dicks they totally don’t admit to wanking over, not worth the stress.

On the other hand, non of the surgeries I am interested in will allow to to pass as cis for sex, so as long as I don’t want to be celibate I am going to have to be out to my partners, and if I am not more openly out in my social group I will run the risk of being outed by a partner or an ex.

I don’t owe being out, or closeted to anyone, and I intend to continue to do what suits me.

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2 Responses

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  1. GallingGalla said, on August 17, 2010 at 1:16 am

    Yes, exactly. Every trans* person has the right to decide for themselves when and under what circumstances they will be out, and to whom. It comes down to bodily and personal autonomy. For myself, I tread a middle road between out 24/7 and stealth, and having recently (re-)come out as genderqueer femme, I’ve still not figured out what to be stealth *as* (male or female?) when circumstances dictate stealth.

  2. Z said, on August 30, 2010 at 11:24 pm

    Partners can be a big reason not to be out. My wife and I have just moved to a new city, and I don’t want her to have to face discrimination because of me. So I choose not to be out partly because of the impact of being out on her.

    She’s always been straight, so I don’t want to force her to be Queer. And that’s the way a lot of people see straight women who date trans men, Queer. Which is fine if you are Queer, but not fine if you’re not.

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